What I Should Have Said

I've been having a lot of "what I should have said" moments lately. I think, in part, it has something to do with being in a new place, starting a new job, and being with entirely new people (I knew one person when I moved out here). This year presents an opportunity to be my best self -- without past experiences and mistakes intruding on first impressions -- and with that opportunity comes some hesitation as I navigate the appropriate times to assert myself, defend myself or to share openly.

My most recent "what I should have said" moment came as I was introduced to a Bread and Roses donor (a rather unconventional donor, who periodically brings himself and his credit card to the grocery store while a shop-til-you-drop situation ensues for B&R). After he asked what I planned to do with the theology part of my studies, my response was, "Well, nothing. I'm planning on applying to medical school."

It was a tiny insignificant moment (made even more insignificant by the fact that the guy could barely hear me), but I felt ashamed selling myself and my Jesuit education short in that moment because the truth is, studying theology -- even just as a minor, not a major -- at Georgetown has enhanced my life in a huge way. Of course, my Georgetown education cannot be limited to theology or even to the classroom; but it was the theology courses at Georgetown that brought structure to the chaos of my doubt as I learned about world religions, traced the "the problem of God," and critically questioned the Catholic Church. In studying theology, I deepened my understanding, both intellectually and emotionally, of Creation, human dignity and the common good. In this way, I bridged the now obvious connection between faith and service, and accepted the challenge to orient myself toward the world as a woman for others.

I gained an Ignatian way of proceeding through life, one that acknowledges no divide between the spiritual and the secular. And that's why I felt I was slapping my theology professors in the face when I said I didn't plan to do much with my theology background. In accepting his definition of theology as vocation to the religious life, I was accepting a compartmentalization of spiritual and secular that I do not endorse. On the contrary, I hope to integrate my faith into every part of my life, so that I am a life-long student of theology, even as I am also studying to be a physician.

Of course, it would have been ridiculous if this had been my response to the poor old guy's half-joking question about me becoming a nun, but it got me thinking...